Dear Young Ladies,
I am the mother of two amazing young men. They are not perfect, but nobody is. They each have with their own strengths and weaknesses. They each have their own unique way of looking at, being in, and interacting with the world. They each have a father who can be tough, but who loves them with his whole heart. They each have a mother who loves them more than you can imagine it is possible to love.
I’m writing this letter not to tell you the virtues of my boys, but to explain to you what I know they deserve. Sometimes as a young person we forget our own value. Sometimes we have difficulty expressing what it is we deserve. So I thought I would help you understand what my boys deserve and what they know is expected of them in return.
- Don’t try to change them. – As a woman I do understand taking the rough edges off and even trimming off a few out of control branches of behavior sometimes, but don’t try to change who they are at their core.
- Don’t try to control them. – My boys are not puppy dogs. If you need a pet, please go to your nearest shelter and get one.
- Don’t abuse them. – This means verbally, mentally, emotionally, or physically. If you are not familiar with what these forms of abuse are please research them or ask me and get an understanding. NOBODY should ever have to endure abuse in a loving relationship and it is the number one top way to get your mother-in-law (that’s me) to step in and make unwanted comments or take unwanted actions.
- Don’t USE them. – My boys are not your ATM, your babysitter, your maid, or any other servant to you. If you have chosen to have a relationship with one of my boys they might choose to help you with any of these things because they are kind and loving, but don’t take advantage of it.
- Don’t lie to them. – This includes but it not limited to lies of omission (just not telling them something important), cheating, or making up stories
I know I’ve said a lot of don’ts, but there is plenty left to do:
- Do love them for who they are. – Each of them is unique and amazing. You fell in love with them for a reason, so remember that and love them for that.
- Do talk to them about your opinions. – Tell them if you have a concern or a need. Try to make compromises and/or work together.
- Do set up a solid foundation of friendship. – Set up a friendship with one another that you can lean on during difficult moments. Life isn’t always rainbows and lollipops, so make sure you are ready to face those challenging times together.
- Do be honest and up front. – Be yourself. Let them fall in love with the real YOU. If you aren’t real with them then everything you create together isn’t real either and when hard times hit that foundation won’t be strong enough to hold you both up.
- Do make romantic gestures. – Remind my young man that you do care. Sweet gestures can go a long way to building that long lasting core.
- Do be loyal. – Everyone makes mistakes and sometimes those mistakes can even be worked through/past and forgiven, but sometimes that can damage your relationship beyond repair. You deserve loyalty and so do my boys.
I’m sure you get the idea. I want for my boys a real, loving, relationship. I want them to have honesty and loyalty. I want them to have someone who loves them for who they are, because who they are is amazing.
In return you will get a young man who will treat you with respect, kindness, love, honesty, loyalty, and love you for who you are. You will get a young man who is willing to walk this journey of life with you, not drag you behind him or follow you like a puppy but walk next to you. You will get a young man who will never abuse you or your love. Both my young men know how to bring on the romance and treat a woman with love.
I know that neither of them is perfect, but they are both strong, loving, kind young men who deserve a strong, loving, kind young woman.
When you choose to walk this journey with one of my boys you get all that comes with that. You’ll get more love than you can imagine. You will get a mother-in-law who will LOVE having a daughter to talk to and dote on. You’ll get a fiercly protective father-in-law. You’ll get a huge family with all it’s love and it’s flaws. You’ll have laughter and joy. You’ll have tears and hardship. And you’ll always have people in your corner.
If you can be the kind of woman who I’ve described and love the kind of man that my boys are and will be for you, then thank you and welcome. If you can’t, then please don’t toy with their hearts, don’t play with their minds, and just keep on walking.
Thank you for reading this.