Every day is a challenge when you have chronic illness. Each morning you awake not knowing how your day will be, what new pain might hit, whether you might get by with a pain free day, or whether you might not even be able to get up out of bed. Some days things get so bad it feels like it isn’t even worth the fight, but then other days are a nice surprise and you might even feel somewhat normal. We live for those moments of normalcy. We crave those moments of life.
When you live a life with chronic pain, it can be a challenge to remain positive. My worst depressions have always come when the pain gets worse and I feel my life is somehow interrupted. It can be difficult to feel positive about life or even moments, when pain is ever present. It can be frustrating to feel as if you are stopped at every turn by a new or increasing pain in your body. Some days it may feel as if there is no hope and without hope it can be near impossible to find your path to happiness.
I realize I am not alone and that I don’t have any right to give up. So I live with daily pain in my back. I live with daily migraines that I fight like crazy. I live with disappointment in myself for not being able to do the things I want to some days. Sometimes I do things I want to even when my body says I shouldn’t just because if I don’t the emotional fallout is worse than the physical pain.
Every day is a struggle for me. Every day is painful in ways that most people cannot even imagine dealing with. Every day I hurt and cry and even fear, but I keep going anyway. I keep going because I am not alone! I keep going because, even with all the pain I suffer with, I know that life is worth it in the long run. I exercise and push myself a little more every day. Someday I’ll find a level ground, a place where life feels somewhat normal for me. Until that day I just keep finding reasons to be happy. Little things that make me smile or give me a small feeling of joy. It’s those little things that can make a world of difference and I’m ever so thankful that there is always something.