Just Me, Loss of a Child

Loss of a Child

cryingEvery person experiences loss and grief in their own unique way. No two people will go through this process exactly the same.

When our daughter passed in 2000, my family was thrown into disarray. Somehow, my husband and I learned very quickly just small communication tools that allowed us to help each other through it. You would often hear in our house “I’m just having an Ashley moment”, which meant a tough moment missing her but that we didn’t want to talk about it. We use this even today.

Our struggle with this is not over. The loss of a child is different from any other loss. There are similarities in the grieving process but this kind of loss stays with you no matter what you do. I think about her at every birthday, at every special occasion, close to the date we lost her, and still on random days as well.

ashThat moment split our life in two. Life for us will always be before and after. I miss the before. I miss doing her hair and singing with her. I miss our talks and her laugh. But, that was before. It’s been many years now in the after. Life in the after is so different. There will always be an emptiness without her here. My opinions on so many things were changed by that one moment.

Life in the after means learning to live life over again. It’s like learning to walk all over. We stumbled a LOT at first, but more and more we have found our balance. There are moments when we still lose the ground beneath us and have to grab something and hang on, but they are fewer than at first.

She was only 8 years old when the moment struck, when the car struck, when our lives all changed forever. I will miss her every single day. I know she will always remain with us in our hearts, but life in the after is not the life I had envisioned in the long ago. That life seems like a dream now, only a memory of a dream.

____________________

related post: In Memory of Our Lost Child

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About Tracy Seekins

Long time writer/blogger. Has been on a lifelong journey for self enrichment. This is a journey which never ends and I look forward to sharing it with you.

Discussion

7 thoughts on “Loss of a Child

  1. My Grandma told me this very same thing 50 years after losing her son to a truck hitting him. I am so sorry for your loss.

    Posted by Chatter Master | February 18, 2014, 10:21 am
    • You mean about the before and after? I think a loss like this just changes time for you, it changes life, it changes how you see things. Thank you for sharing that with me and thank you for your kind words.

      Posted by Tracy Seekins | February 18, 2014, 10:50 am
      • Yes, about the before and after. And about it never being over. She cried telling me about it and said it doesn’t ‘go away’. It seems like it was almost word for word what you wrote.

        Posted by Chatter Master | February 19, 2014, 12:23 am
  2. All I can say is, “Ditto.” This weekend will be two years since my son died – did I really just say that? I’m still shocked, I’m still devastated.

    Peace to you, to all of us.

    Posted by Denise | February 18, 2014, 4:01 pm
    • Denise, I’m so sorry. There are a few dates that really get to us and I know the ‘loss’ date is certainly one of them. I tell people to just avoid me during that week because I tend to get a bit snappy. Can’t do it for real but here is a big cyber (((hug)))

      Posted by Tracy Seekins | February 18, 2014, 9:38 pm
  3. Thank you for your story.

    Posted by Jo | February 20, 2014, 7:32 pm
  4. It’s almost 10 months since our daughter was killed. No sense of balance has returned and pain only seems to grow. Knowing we are not alone helps. Thank you for sharing

    Posted by miragreen | March 11, 2014, 8:38 pm

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