Yesterday I realized how much I really needed to begin meditating again. I’ve been making the effort, but I wasn’t enjoying the process. Then suddenly meditation found ME. (see Bingo Meditation for how it found me) I was overjoyed at the realization that I could incorporate meditation into normal life activities and because I was enjoying that I also found a new enjoyment for my 10 – 15 minute daily meditation that I’d been trying to practice.
Today I thought it might be fun to get a guided meditation for my kindle and listen to that while sitting out in nature. (I live in Florida so yes I could sit outside even in late January) I did a search for meditation and nothing really struck me until I found the one of affirmations for self esteem. I immediately grabbed it, as I thought this was what I needed work on. Then I looked for more by the same author and found another for self-confidence. Again I grabbed it because the preview said some of the things I’ve been trying to tell myself lately.
I took my Kindle outside and sat on the ground with my hands in the grass. I started the one for Self Esteem and listened for 5 minutes while focusing on my breathing. It was relaxing, but as I listened I realized that these were all things I believed and had no real trouble with. I DO love who I am. I DO believe I’m right where I’m supposed to be. This was not what I was needing.
So I switched for the next 5 minutes to the one on Self-Confidence. YES! This is what I needed. These were things like “I am good enough”, “I deserve success”, “My future is positive and bright”, “I always do my very best”. These are the things I struggle with.
When I’m home, or writing, or online with friends, I LOVE who I am. I believe in who I am. My problem comes, often, when I’m out in public. Where I live there are a few who are accepting of me, but there are several who look down on me. They don’t see ME, they see what they have constructed about me in their minds. I try not to let it get to me and I’m working on that, but it still often affects my own thoughts about myself and my own confidence level about being who I am.
I have made a commitment to myself this year not to let other people’s negative words, thoughts, or opinions affect me so much, but that doesn’t mean that it’s an easy change for me. I knew I needed something to support my commitment and help me develop this SKILL. I like this new affirmation meditation and will use it often while I’m working through this process.
I share this particular writing with you because so many of us struggle with these issues. I was able to determine that my issue is one of self-confidence, not self esteem. If you are struggling with negative self talk or being yourself, ask yourself: “Am I struggling with self esteem (ie: do I like me, do I like who I am, do I feel strong in myself) or am I struggling with self confidence (ie: do I get nervous about being myself when with other people, do I allow others to make me doubt myself even for a moment)? What can you do or say to yourself to work on this? Remember you are special, unique, beautiful, and amazing. Don’t let others steal that away from you. And you aren’t alone. I’m walking this challenge with you.